As a point of reference, I live in Texas, central Texas... so we haven't seen much of a fall yet, but what little fall we have, I am ecstatic about. I am all about layering up in cozy sweaters, and boots, drinking coffee near a window, or sitting on the front porch bundled in a soft blanket.

I am hoping to at least do a little of that this weekend, just sit back and enjoy a few moments of solitude between shuffling kids to soccer games, running errands, cleaning my house(HA!) and the weekend in general. I have been so overwhelmed lately, trying to juggle a full time job and my kids and my husband was gone for 9 weeks for work, and well its been exhausting. 

We have a puppy, and with a puppy comes mess-- so much mess, I also have my two littles, bug and bear who despite their devilishly cute appearance are little terrors themselves. Adorable, amazing, wonderful little terrors. You can all relate. Needless to say, when the husbands are away, everything that can possibly happen does, including trips to the ER for myself and my kids, balancing Parent Teacher Conferences, a pseudo Instagram career, a real job, and well everything else. I feel like I have given up on most everything. My house is a disaster, but my kids are happy and, I don't know that I care all that much right now. I would hate to be judged for its cleanliness, however I suppose a true friend doesn't care how clean your house is, right? 

I constantly battle between feeling like I have a full life, one that I am so proud to be a part of, and this sense that there is something bigger, that there is some rather significant part of my life that is missing. The crazy thing is, that I can't quite put a finger on what it is. I know that I want more, and I want to travel, and dream, and honestly, just SLOW DOWN and enjoy the little things. 

I want this picturesque life, where I can curl up and enjoy the smell of freshly brewed coffee, read a book and get lost in its pages, go camping and fall asleep to the sounds a crickets singing and a nearby creek babbling, I just want to get away from the hustle and bustle and be able to step away. I took a trip in January to California, and I spent about a week just traveling to different cities, I did it alone, and saw the beach, and the Muir Woods, the wine country, and it was incredible, I rolled the windows down, smelled the air, I mean really deeply breathed that fresh air, stared at the mountains in all their incredible glory and truly deeply got lost in all of its beauty.  I want to find that again, I think it is what's missing. I think I have the spirit of a gypsy and have been stuck in one place for too long, I feel restless, and lost and when dealing with a chronic illness I find that feeling this way just exacerbates my overall well being. 

Does anyone else feel this way? This idea that the things you once wanted, the big house, the white picket fence, the fancy cars, the nicest clothes, that it all just falls away and you realize what you really want, is just freedom. The freedom to look around you and truly appreciate what you have? I think that Fall is a good reminder of that. I think the beautiful colors of the gourds that pop up all over towns, and the trees changing colors, the rich burgundy tones, and burnt oranges, there is so much beauty in the colors of the fall. For me, this Friday, I am going to remember that big city girl or not, that there is beauty to be appreciated, and I am going to fight like hell to get to enjoy a bit of it. 

Talk soon.

Xoxo