I don't even know where to begin with this post. I have been awol for a while and I apologize for all of that, but I must say that this week has been a bit more than most have to deal with in a month and its all been sort of raining down on me, and family and friends, and its just a rough time.


I am also in this weird space, where I have become ridiculously philosophical, and I am having all of these reflections, on life choices, on sliding doors. What if I had gotten on that train, what if I had answered that call, what differences would those changes have made? There was no train, or phone call but there is always a moment, or moments, in your life when you ask yourself those very questions. We tend to say "what if" ALOT, and I think somehow it provides resolution, or satisfaction, or maybe even just a sense of acceptance for a decision we made.

My decisions as of late, or the questions I am contemplating revolve mostly around career choices.  I was happily and gainfully employed, and doing something that I enjoyed at least momentarily, But I have also wanted more.  Not more money, or more work, but more out of life.

As a child I wanted to become a lawyer, who would eventually, become a judge, and later serve as a supreme court justice. It was not some idea of grandeur, or a crazy idealism of an irrational child, but the honest thoughts about what I would like to do with my life. I wanted to help people, to stand up for the meek, and fight for the rights of those who couldn't. In my current place in life, I would say that is what my role as PTA president has been. An opportunity for me to serve in a capacity with the ability to change the lives of children. To be an advocate for the advocateless and to help the broken. I wanted to improve the lives of the children within my reach, and not on just an emotional level, filling them with small moments of happiness through festivals, and small community events, but by enhancing the opportunities that they were given. I wanted to change their lives. Not for me, but for them. I was one of those children once, I didn't have the funds or resources  provided to me that other kids did, and sometimes it was hard and I wished that I had more. I can remember sitting outside of my house and singing "selena" songs wishing that I could be someone else. I suppose all children do that, but for me it was bigger than that. As PTA president, I had the honor and privilege of being named PTA of the year out of our school district, which was a truly remarkable and humbling experience. However, I was still left wanting to do more. I still felt like I hadn't done enough, there were still hungry children, children without necessary access to resources, children who were going without, that were falling through the cracks, so I took on a second term.

I haven't really figured out how I can impart the change I wish to see, what control I actually have over these things, but I would really like to. I would like to contact local sources and grow the awareness of the necessities of children in my area, and focus attention and detail on growing the resources provided to students in my area. I wish that I could do this, its where my heart feels most at home. I struggle with my inability to do so. So with all of that in mind I would like to say that I would honestly, realistically pursue a career in politics. Not to be better than anyone else, or because I know more than anyone. But because, I am a doer, I work hard, and I get things done, and advocating for children's rights, and education is something that we need to fight harder for, They are our future, and we so often lose site of that. As adults we are able to create situations for ourself, change jobs, change homes, etch but as children we are merely by products of that system. Its unfounded and unheard of the amount of funding going to schools that have "high" test scores, because of their excellence in learning, and on the flip side we have the students that truly need the funding, and all of the resources in the world, but they don't get it. I want to change that. I want to fight for the children that need the funding, we don't have to take away from those high performing schools, but we do need to find a way to bridge the gap, and offer those same advantages to the children who need help.

Blah, how do I go about doing this? How do I become a voice for the voiceless, I once listened to a speech on advocacy for students and lobbying on the hill, and it spoke to me in a way unlike anything else I had heard. I was empowered, emblazoned even to be that person, to stand up and say that I am making a difference for children all over this country, and that the weak, or meek have not been forgotten, that we are in fact providing for every child, regardless of their socio-economic background. I am an entire loss though, because getting from here, to there is a big jump, and I don't know where to begin.

In other news, I am presently getting an infusion to treat my lupus, and I am a bit drowsy thanks to the effects of the treatment, so forgive me if this seems like tireless ranting,

Back to the job search conundrum, a part of me has also considered pursuing the fashion blogging thing full time. There are so many fashion bloggers doing such great things, and I envy their success, but without taking any credit away from them, I can't wrap my head around advocating for fashion and investing all of my time into a cause that is not really a cause. So I am stuck between doors, I don't know which way to go, or what other options there are. I can't entirely rule out going back to getting a day job, but it took way more out of me, than even I had realized. Being unemployed has had an incredible affect on my attitude, and outlook on life, which is fantastic, but it has left a bigger hole that needs to be filled.

I must digress, and say that I started this article 2 weeks ago, and I am just now finding the want to finish writing it. There are quite a few grammatical errors etc. and I don't plan to change them, ha! I am going to go ahead and wrap this post up, and write a new one, with where I am at now, and what I am presently thinking.... But with everything in mind, and the fact that this post is stopping mid post, I just want to reiterate that I am a work in progress, as is this blog. I will get there, hopefully with some of you by my side. Until then. - S.